Filed under: Parent rants, Newspapers, Blogs, Adventures in Parenting, Feminism, Making a Difference
Upon recommendation by a reader of my other blog, I've been reading a rich, heart-string tugging (and apparently famous) book called a Tree Grows in Brooklyn. It's a book about the life of a girl named Francie, but more specifically it's about being young, in a dysfunctional family, seeing the eyes through eyes unfettered with cynicism and cloistered with hope.One of the most provocative scenes is the book is one where the heroine watches the neighborhood Mothers judge and pelt rocks at a young girl and her baby. The pelting was provoked by smugness, jealousy, scorn and disdain: Mothers judging another young Mother, a Mother who did things a different way, unacceptable to them (she was unmarried and very young) The heroine of the story then vows not to be friends with women, ever -- and makes a disconcerting observation: women seem to have few loyalties to other Moms, except to gossip and thrill in their misfortunes and mistakes. I'm paraphrasing the scene here, but you'll get my drift. Perhaps, like me, you'll be disturbed by the uncomfortable truth of this.
I really wonder why parents (and Moms in particular) seem so predisposed to point out the "mistakes" of Mothers: you didn't breastfeed, your co-sleeping habits are ruining your kid's LIFE, you are a horrible person for forsaking your dog in lieu of your son. We all have the choice to bring up our children in the way we see best for us. I'm not sure why it's so important for so many of us to cackle and heckle and judge others. Don't get me wrong: there are so many women who are supportive and caring and awesome to one another. But there are way too many who are not, and we see a lot of them in the online world.
I've been writing here for two years now, and I can't even count the number of times I've been called moronic, incompetent, weak, stupid, and worse. ParentDish is one of the most popular parenting blogs on the web -- and we're known for stinging, sometimes abusive comments. It's happened to every writer here at one point, and many of us now refrain from writing very personal and honest posts for fear of being ridiculed or attacked. To me it's sad: blogs should be an outlet of truth, free of the constraints of traditional and a soft ground for respectable conversation and debate. But what sometimes happen here is just a microcosm of what happens all over world: "Mommy" wars, mudslinging over Moms who enjoy an occasional cocktail, working moms lambasting stay-at-home Moms and vice versa. Perhaps we don't see the actual rock-pelting that the fictional Francie witnessed in the book, but there is a whole lot of word flinging going on between Mommies.
I have my own opinions about the best way to parent, but they're my opinions and I wouldn't attempt to foist them forcefully on any other Mom. I wonder, why don't we support each other more? We have the most important job in the world, all of us. You'd think that would make us understanding of each other's personal circumstance.Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments
