In the men's room

Filed under: Lifestyle, Dads, Potty training, 3 years, Preschooler, Stores and shopping

As a year-end bonus, the company I work for gave all the employees an extra day off -- New Year's Eve. Rachel and I decided to take the kids downtown for the day. Rachel needed some maternity clothes and wanted to check out the big Old Navy store while I wanted to hit the Virgin Megastore to use a giftcard I had received in a gift exchange at work. The kids love riding the streetcar and seeing all the big buildings.

We got downtown without incident and took care of Rachel's clothing needs. After that, the kids were more than ready for something to eat. We went to the newly renovated San Francisco Centre shopping mall (in the old Emporium building) which has a nice food court downstairs in the basement. We got the kids each some fettuccine -- Jared with tomato sauce, Sara with a bit of butter -- and then I went in search of sandwiches for Rachel and me.

When I returned to the table with our food, Rachel gave me the bad news: Sara had to go to the bathroom. Rachel was really tired (she is pregnant, after all), so I took her. I headed for the restroom and Sara and I went in. We got halfway to where the toilets where when the attendant stopped me and told me to go the other way, that I couldn't bring Sara in there. Thinking that I had misread the signs, I turned around and went back the way he pointed.

I found myself faced with a family room with nursing booths, changing tables, and a play area. I turned around and spotted a family bathroom -- which was in use. Sara and I ran back to the men's room and headed for the toilets. Once again, the attendant tried to stop me, saying that I couldn't bring Sara in the men's room. By then, Sara was desperate to pee and I wasn't about to let anyone stop us. I told the guy that the there was but one bathroom in the family room and it was in use and he told me to take her in the women's room.

Despite being rather baffled by that, I pushed past him and took her into an empty stall. He continued telling me that I couldn't bring her in the men's room and I, now quite upset and angry, told him to call security and management. I figured that would be enough to shut him up, but sure enough, when we exited the bathroom, there were four security guards standing there waiting for us.

I wasn't really interested in talking to security guards -- who simply seemed to be supporting the attendant -- so I demanded to see a manager. One of the guards began talking into his radio as Sara and I waited there. Meanwhile, the attendant kept saying that I couldn't bring a girl into the men's room and began making lewd comments about men "with all their junk hanging out."

He asked why I didn't just go in the women's restroom and I pointed out that there is a big difference between forty-something and three-and-a-half, but he didn't agree. I asked if he would date a woman my age and whether that would be the same as dating a three-year-old girl but he still couldn't see the difference between someone well beyond the legal age of consent and a child -- a very scary thought. I also pointed out that there was no way I was going to let her go into the women's restroom alone.

Eventually, a young man who seemed to be the head of security showed up, followed shortly thereafter by a woman in a suit. I explained what had happened and asked if it was the official policy of Westfield Malls that a father could not take his three-year-old daughter into the men's restroom to go to the bathroom. Because, I pointed out, the alternative was to have her pee on the floor in the middle of the food court.

I then asked if it was the mall's official policy that a father could not take his daughter to the bathroom. The suit said it was definitely not their policy and went on the vehemently say that it was perfectly okay for me to take Sara to the bathroom in the men's room. She also said that she would talk with the attendant. I suggested that he definitely needed some education or, better still, not be around children at all, given his inability to distinguish a pre-pubescent girl from a full-grown adult. Well, the woman took my name and phone number and said she would follow up, especially after I pointed out that my meal was ice cold at that point, but I have as yet to hear from her.

So, I ask you, dear readers, what do you think? Is three-and-a-half too old for a girl to enter the men's room? Am I really some sort of twisted pervert for taking Sara to the bathroom? What about if Jared were out and about with his mom? I asked Sara's teacher about it and she said that "the cut-off is when they can hold their pee until they get home." I tend to agree with her. What age would you say is too old for a child to go into the opposite gender's bathroom?

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